


Infallible

by phoenixflight



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Everything Hurts, M/M, No Sex, Post-Reichenbach, Sherlock Got It Wrong, Slash Goggles, Suicide, Tragedy, no happy ending, nothing but angst.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-12
Updated: 2013-09-12
Packaged: 2017-12-26 09:38:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/964418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixflight/pseuds/phoenixflight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock has made an unspeakable, <i>fatal</i> miscalculation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Infallible

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilery trigger notes at the end.

John. John. John John. John. 

How could he have _missed_ this, how could have been so blind? All his deductions told him that John had had a life before Sherlock and would have one after him. Such a specious, shallow conclusion. Why hadn’t he _seen_?

The pieces had all been there, John’s devotion should have been clear, but Sherlock had been so confident in his first assessment, so _sure_ – 

And John had – 

And it was Sherlock’s fault, as sure as if he’d pulled the trigger himself. 

Sherlock had forgotten how overpowering emotion could be, like a living thing inside, clawing and biting, writhing, pulling him under again just when he thought he could breath. His body was at war with itself; he was shaking and nauseous like after a bad case of food poisoning, but he hadn’t eaten anything but stale digestives in days.

It was intolerable!

Imagination was for those who couldn’t see what was really there, but now all Sherlock could see was John (John John John John) tidying the flat, and taking leave from work, putting on his coat, locking up behind him, going out and – 

He had left a copy of his will leaving his body to Bart's, a month’s rent in cash and an apology to Mrs. Hudson, a note for Lestrade and a letter for his sister.

Nothing for Sherlock, because he thought Sherlock was dead. Stupid, _stupid._

John had always occupied the grey area between asset and liability. Before him, Sherlock would have said that any companion would only slow him down, but John had proved himself invaluable, not only for his skills, but for the effect he had on Sherlock. The world sang more clearly to him when John was watching. Also, he did the dishes and made tea. John was _vital_ (from the Latin, _vita_ meaning _life_ ). 

Then when Moriarty had first laid hands on him, Sherlock had realized that John was a vulnerability that could hurt him more than anyone alive.

Why had he _forgotten_? It was so _obvious_ , a crucial piece of data, and he hadn’t taken it into account. The magnitude of his miscalculation was unfathomable. Why why why (John) why?

The worst part was, Sherlock still had a job to do. Only four more targets, and then he could – 

Sherlock had seen his brother’s face when Mycroft had told him the news. MI6 was almost certainly already mobilizing a new Suicide Watch Division specially to monitor him. But Sherlock was clever (not clever enough, too cocky, too _sure_ ); all he would need was one chance. He would get it right the first time. 

Like John.

**Author's Note:**

> John has commited suicide off-screen following Reichenbach, and Sherlock briefly (but seriously) contemplates his own death), and mostly angsts about John.   
> Oh my god, I'm sorry I just made the world a sadder, more depressing place. This came to me in the middle of the night and wouldn't leave me. Whhhhhyyyyy?   
> Feedback is love. How is my Sherlock voice?


End file.
